Days 29-35: Youthful Bounce

Over the last week, I've experienced what I can only describe as a youthful bounce. The most pain medication I've taken in a single day over the last week is 400mg of ibuprofen. I've been told by a complete stranger who asked my age, "There's no way you're 30, you don't look a day over 24." When I got my hair cut for the first time since surgery, I told my barber, Brittani. She said "I would definitely agree with that" and she's one of the coolest, but most honest people I know. Plus, she's a licensed professional, she can't lie to me. I also got a youthful surprise from the doctor who did my surgery. After examining my face, seeing the rate that swelling is decreasing, noting the rate feeling is returning and numbness is decreasing, asking me to make expressions to mark how quickly my facial muscles are waking back up and repairing, he said "Wow, you're not recovering like we would expect a 30 year old to recover. Your body is repairing at the rate we'd expect for a 15-18 year old". From the look on his face and agreement of the Nurse Practitioner who works with him, I believe them. Also, they're medical professionals, how can you possibly disagree that I'm youthful? If that doesn't make you feel superheroic, I don't know what will. Honestly, with all of that, I could end my post right there. But, if there are people who still read this, I'm sure you're all wanting to see pictures.

So, here's my photo shoot.

As an aside, I'll be taking offers for modeling contracts by private message, just in case any of you were itching to offer.

Resting face with a small smile (can you blame a guy for smiling after all that good news and all the compliments?)

 Deadpan look...

More good news: At my 5-week check up, I was upgraded from a 6 ounce (stronger band) to a 4 ounce (lighter band) and they changed the configuration to a box.

My bottom lip remains the only concern. As you can see when I smile, my bottom lip covers my teeth. This also gets in the way of speaking clearly. I wasn't supposed to see the doctor at 10 weeks, but they added an appointment then to reassess whether or not they will need to correct this with another, much more minor surgery. The good news is, they're on top of it and I get to see Doctor Doctor Edwards (aka "Sean"), Jen (the Nurse Practitioner), and the lovely team there another time. Besides, who doesn't like a one-way 125 mile (200 km) drive to Ann Arbor in Michigan winter?


For those of you who are following my emotional healing, I've also noticed something new about myself. Since blogging about my experience, I've noticed the shame of what happened lifting. I did nothing wrong that night. It is no longer my secret to hold. No longer my shame to experience. I have also noticed, I tend to freak out when I've gotten emotionally upsetting news from this, but within a day, that same youthful bounce has me back on my feet. I had a few set backs this week and one major moment of peace. I won't go into details, but each time I get knocked down, I may have a freak out (I'm sure my friends and older sister love it if they've been blessed enough to receive a frantic message in those freak out moments), but I always get up again and bounce back. I'm sure we could all do without the freak out moments. But, being able to find a way to bounce back fairly quickly has been a surprise that even I wasn't expecting. Maybe that has something to do with my newly implanted super-heroic bionic powers. Maybe it's no longer holding someone else's secret as my own. Maybe it's my desire to find a way to leave the past in the past, still be cautious and learn from it, but bring what I can control, healing, and some semblance of hope into my present. Whatever it is, I'm grateful.

It's amazing to me how my body and mind have experienced this same trajectory of healing. I had my fair share of crashing moments at the beginning of my surgery recovery, but my body is bouncing back very quickly. It's surprising me and doctors. While I've had some emotional set backs and crashes early in my emotional healing, I'm bouncing back and continue to grow. Yes, I could do without the set backs, freak outs, and low points. At the same time, they're teaching me about myself. I'm learning, the best I can, to lean into the present, trust my own God-given strength, and remind myself I have the ability to bounce back every time. The past is gone and no longer exists. The future is not here yet and does not exist. All I have is today.

As a wise man once said "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery. But, today is a gift, that is why they call it 'the present'" (Yes, that was Oogway from Kung Fu Panda, just in case you were wondering).


Signed,

The Bionic Man