Days 11-13: Bionic Proof

Days 11 and 12 were fairly uneventful. My face continues to look less and less like a balloon and slightly more like myself. So, I'll show you a picture of my new bionic mouth, skim over the boring days, and then skip to the good part, the nitty gritty details of my follow up appointment.

First, the proof that I'm now officially Bionic Man (I'll explain it later, but basically, other than the white parts on my teeth which are braces, the white parts in my jaw are all plates and screws):

Day 11:

• Inconvenience level: 4/10
• Pain level: 4/10

Day 11: I can almost see a smile showing through!

Day 12:

• Inconvenience level: 4/10
• Pain level: 3/10

The swelling continues to decrease and my face continues to look less and less like a rainbow.

Day 13:

• Inconvenience level: 4/10
• Pain level: 4/10

Today is the day I've been waiting for, my two week appointment. The pain went up a little bit today. But, what do you expect when they remove nearly 20 bands from your teeth that were holding your jaw shut, they poke and prod you with sticks? The good news is that the sticks have a tiny piece of cotton on the end which, apparently is somehow supposed to dull the fact that they're prodding the places in your mouth that were just sawed apart and put back together two weeks earlier. No biggie.

The reward: Only two strong bands on my teeth now! Plus, they were amazed at how quickly I'm getting better after so many complications. I guess that's just even more proof that my new Bionic Man superpowers are at work. (Well, that and I'm sure the massive amounts of thoughts, support, and prayers, plus 14 medications, and drinking at least 80 ounces of water a day helps).

I told you I'd be a bionic man after all of this, and now I have X-ray proof. If you look below, the whitest areas of the X-ray other than what's on my teeth (the braces) are the new brackets and screws that hold my face together. Each bracket has round loopholes on it. That pure white center that fills most of the loopholes? Yeah, each one is a screw. On top, they cut the whole jaw off and re-positioned it. So, for some reason, they needed to hold that back on. Their solution was 4 lovely L-shaped brackets. Kind of weird to think that some stitches, 4 brackets, and some screws are all that's holding my top jaw on my face. On the bottom, they cut the jaw on both sides toward the back, moved the jaw and rotated it. Again, the solution to keep me from appearing like a Zombie with my jaw hanging partially off was to place 4 more brackets along with their screws. I just have a way of making this sound lovely, don't I?

All together, 8 brackets and 40 screws now hold my face together. Go ahead and count them if you'd like. It could be a fun game of concentration. Print the X-ray, find each bracket, count the number of loops, count which loops have white dots (screws) in them, and see how you do. Ready for a challenge? Try this with your spouse, significant other, children, friends or neighbors.

Okay, so 8 plates and 40 screws from my eyes down... If that doesn't qualify me as having a bionic jaw and being a bionic man, I'm going back for a refund. Side note: I wonder how well that would go over "Excuse me, I was promised a bionic jaw and I only have 8 brackets and 40 screws. Can I get a refund?"

It's official,

The Bionic Man