Okay, for the color coding and explanations. It's pretty easy to see that when a horizontal line is drawn, my upper jaw is rotated. Clearly, those of you who thought I was a little twisted now have some physical evidence.
LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE:
To get more technical, let's break this down by color. But, first, below, the picture nobody ever sees--my bite. Much of the reason nobody ever sees this is it's physically impossible to see my full bite with teeth without holding my mouth open with my fingers. So, I both snapped a selfie and held my mouth open at the same time so you could see both my bottom and top teeth (you're welcome):
To those of you wondering "Um, is he even biting together?" Yes. Yes, I am. This is what it looks like when my mouth is completely shut. And, no, you're not hallucinating, my teeth do not touch. That gives you a little idea of what I mean by having a severe jaw deformation. Now, imagine biting into a juicy, crisp apple with that bite. Yeah, not going to happen. Sadly, there have never been any "Snow White" moments for me. No biting the apple, falling asleep, and then waking to the perfect person kissing me. **Sigh** I guess now I have more evidence that fairy tales aren't true. Well, that and I don't really recommend people going around kissing someone who just had an apple for a snack and is having a nice nap.
Now, to color code it and explain some of the things going on (I'll explain by color below):
What's happening overall?
First, you can see the horizontal white lines. As I explained above, it doesn't take an expert to see my jaws are slanted. So, for the procedure, they're completely removing my upper jaw, rotating it, moving it forward 4mm (1/6 of an inch), then reattaching it with plates and screws. Next, they're cutting my lower jaw at the back, rotating it, matching it with the upper jaw, and moving it forward 13mm (a little over 1/2 an inch). Then, it's on to cutting and chiseling my chin so it still looks normal and natural. Hey, I guess that gives a whole new meaning to having a "chiseled chin". Maybe that will go on my dating profile--handsome and debonair with a chiseled chin. Too much??
Let's talk about that top jaw:
First, the green line that goes up and down. That line goes from the tip of my nose, down to the point of my lip, and down to my chin. As you can see, both jaws are positioned to the left. Now you can start with all of the jokes of how I'm off center.
For that yellow circle. Even the untrained eye can see that there's a clear slant here compared to those horizontal lines...
And, what about those blue circles? As you can see, the left side, the blue circle surrounding the back 3 molars fits almost perfectly between the white lines. On the right, not so much. A huge part of that is the fact that both jaws are rotated and misplaced.
Now for the bottom jaw:
In the red circle on the right, compared to the left side of the picture where the teeth align with the white line, you can clearly see the back teeth sticking above the white line on the right.
LONG STORY SHORT, both my upper and lower jaws slant upward on the right of the picture (my left), are misaligned (do not align to the center), rotated and are too small. Basically, they both have a deformation from birth that is not fixable with braces. Both jaws are incredibly slanted and stunted. (This is the part where you all get to make jokes about me being slanted and stunted)
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LIKE TECHNICAL DETAILS:
Right now, my airway is only about 1 cm (less than half an inch) around. It should be closer to 2 cm (almost an inch). Moving both jaws forward (the top 4 mm (1/6 of an inch) and the bottom 13mm (a little over half an inch) and rotating them makes my airway approximately twice the size it is now. And, with that, you can see why that might be a problem for me breathing, speaking, chewing, talking, and why I have sleep apnea at my age.
By fixing the deformations of my jaws, here is the full list of the conditions from my medical chart that the surgeon said this procedure will treat (I'll translate from medical terminology to English below). To skip the medical jargon and get to the end of this, find the ** below. (I feel a little bit like I'm tricking you into a fun "Where's Waldo" experiment by making you look for the **. But, hey, give me my fun moments for now)
OSA on CPAP (Obstructive Sleep Apnea with a CPAP machine): Basically, this means my airways are too small and they close while I sleep causing me to not suffocate in short spurts... Okay, not quite that bad, but basically, my body can't breathe and wakes me up to make me breathe again. So, a machine pumps air into my lungs all night to help. It's pretty weird when you actually think about it, right?
Snoring: Anyone who has spent time around me without my machine does not need me to define this. They already know the definition of this word VERY WELL.
Daytime somnolence: I feel tired during the day. Well, no duh. If you suffocated off and on all night, you'd be tired too.
Mandibular hypoplasia: My lower jaw is deformed (see above)
Maxillary hypoplasia: My upper jaw is deformed (see above)
Speech articulation disorder: Specific sound patterns are mispronounced because my teeth do not meet to form the correct sounds. For example, "th" has an extra "s" sound in it and my "s" sounds a little bit more like a cat's hiss instead of that clear "s" like a snake hiss (now, tell me you didn't think of how those two sound different when I put them in animal terms).
Problems with mastication: It's hard to chew (again, see above if you can't figure that one out).
HERE ARE THOSE TWO ASTERISKS:
**Wish me well, send positive thoughts, messages, and texts (I just can't talk for about 2 weeks. So, texts will be appreciated while phone calls will be unanswered--mostly because of my jaw being banded shut, but depending on who you are, maybe a little bit of ignoring you too. Just kidding...)
If you're the praying kind, please send up prayers! Also, prepare for images of a VERY swollen face to follow. In case you missed it before, this is my best guess of what I'll look like:
Signed,
The Slanted One... Errr... I mean "The Future Bionic Man"
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